söndag 2 december 2018

I bought a book

I have over a hundred unread books at home, so buying more is something I try to limit, and I listen to a lot of audiobooks nowadays and try to remember that the library exists for a reason. But sometimes, it’s destiny. I was early for my train and the station has a bookshop. So I wandered in, to browse, not to buy. My bag was already heavy, it did not need more books. But this book caught my eye, and I knew I wanted it. Sometimes I just write down the title or photo the cover for memory so I can get it later. But this was The Diary of a Bookseller. And a book about a bookshop can’t be downloaded. Maybe got from the library. But preferably purchased from a bookshop. And it was the last copy. And I opened it and the second sentence mentions ‘Black Books’ which I’ve been re-watching this week. So, destiny, right? 

The glass half sane

torsdag 22 november 2018

A reflection while I wait for my take-out order

I had a friend. A new friend, but we found each other fast, and I was really glad. And then, something happened. Or nothing happened. But I haven’t seen her in over a year. She was having mental health problems and said she didn’t have the energy to do anything. I get that. I so get that. I just hoped we could support each other instead of shutting each other out. She didn’t even reply when I wished her happy birthday. And that made me think, is this friendship on pause or is it over? I still hope it’s not over. And I didn’t mean to write all this, I just thought of her because I’m at the restaurant we went to together a few times and my brain did a sad “this was our place”, and it made me think how it was like we’re a parted couple, which was kind of funny because we’re not, but also not funny because regardless, I miss her.

torsdag 15 november 2018

How far I’ve come

Something reminded me of a medical problem I had a few years ago. It was minor, but still something I should have gotten checked up, but at that point in my life, I didn’t go to doctors. The mere thought of calling to make an appointment, or calling any stranger at all, would have me in a cold sweat. And now I pick up the phone and call the clinic without hesitation. It’s so weird, and so wonderful, how my social anxiety has diminished. I still have issues with some situations, depending on my mental state at the time, but they are fewer and occur less often. It’s good to be reminded of that sometimes, especially lately when I’ve felt like I’m failing at life. At least I’ve made progress.

Try to think of something you’ve improved at. And if you can’t think of anything, maybe your change is just around the corner.

The glass half sane

onsdag 14 november 2018

Forgive yourself. Maybe you didn’t do everything you intended, maybe you didn’t even leave the house. Maybe your house is a mess. Maybe you made a mistake at work. It’s OK. Everyone makes mistakes. Depression will tell you you’re a failure, but you are not. Depression lies.

I needed this reminder. Putting it out there in case anyone else needs it too.

The glass half sane

tisdag 6 november 2018

It’s been a rough few weeks, but I’m slowly getting back on my feet. Trying to practice some self care. And look how well I’m doing at drinking water; my plant is happy!

(Plant Nanny is an app where you have a virtual plant that you water every time you have a drink of water, and it sends you reminders to drink/water. It’s not the app of the year or anything, it’s pretty boring, but I really need something to help me remember to drink because sometimes I don’t feel thirsty but then I get dehydrated and that is really crappy.)

The glass half sane

torsdag 18 oktober 2018

Positive things, day 52, 53 & 54

I started writing a post last night. I wrote all of six words before being distracted by something else and then I fell asleep.

I went to pick up another package yesterday after work. Not something I bought myself this time, but a late birthday present from my brother. I already knew it was books, but I wasn’t sure which ones. It was one I have had my eye on for a while, Thing Explainer by Randall Monroe, and Sparrow Hill Road by Seanan McGuire. I discovered McGuire earlier this year and have since read a short story and four novellas. She’s... ah, I can’t explain her. There’s a certain magic in her stories. And I mean that both in the literal way that the ones I’ve read so far have featured witches and ghosts and portals to other worlds, but also the kind of indefinable magic some authors have that make you feel that reading their books have you under a wonderful spell, you know?

I also enjoyed the walk from the pick-up place, because it was a nice day and a route I had not walked before. I used to do that quite often, purposefully get lost and find my way again. For a while, I went to university in a big city, and after class, I would make little explorations. This city I live in now isn’t as big, and having lived here eight years, I don’t think there’s enough of it I don’t know to take long, meandering “lost” walks, but I haven’t seen it all, and that pleases me. While I am a bit sad because I so rarely stray from my routine. It’s all about getting from A to B, from home to work or the shops or wherever and back home. I guess that’s the thing about getting older, working a full-time job, and also living with pain and depression that limits what you’re able to and have energy for. But also that I feel I’ve lost that spirit for exploring the unknown. But the good news here, I think, is that there are still glimpses of it, and maybe those glimpses can be encouraged.

Viaplay is putting Grey’s Anatomy back on! All the seasons. That show just never gets old for me. The first few seasons I must have seen five or six times, but I can still start over again. It’s odd to say it’s my feel-good show because of all the tragedy and I have genuinely ugly-cried over deaths and break-ups in the show. But I love it. Maybe it’s that it makes me feel like my life doesn’t suck so much. And great music too. There are artists I listen to loads that I have discovered through Grey’s.

QI. Hilarious and informative. If you don’t know it, it’s a British quiz show about just about everything, with mainly comedians as guests and there are lots of episodes on YouTube.

That took me a couple of hours (with distractions), but managed to think of a few positives. I’ll try to start thinking of things earlier in the day. Tomorrow is Friday, so hey, that’s a positive for then already. But hopefully something will be better about it than that. We’ll see.

The glass half sane

måndag 15 oktober 2018

Positive things, day 51

I picked up a couple of packages today. Indulged in a few things for myself. One was Hank Green’s book, which I’m excited to read. Pre-ordered it ages ago, and then it arrived week before last but I’ve been too lazy/busy (busy in the work week, lazy on weekends) to get to the post office. The other was a mix of things. A couple of jigsaw puzzles. A Harry Potter deck of cards, which was a disappointment. I thought there would be more different pictures. The Jack, Queen and King cards are the same. I also got a couple of Halloween-y things. A small witch hat attached to an Alice band, a black cloak and a pentagram necklace. I don’t know what I’m doing for Halloween yet, but they were cheap and it’s always good to have some witchy accessories. For emergencies.

Overall, I’m pleased with my purchases and happy I finally picked them up. Check that off my to-do list.

Oh, and the weather! It’s warm and lovely again. Which reminds me, I was gonna look up why it’s called Indian summer. *Googles* OK, so nobody knows. But I found this little gem: ”In Gaelic Ireland, the phenomenon is called "fómhar beag na ngéanna" (little autumn of the geese).” So I know what I’ll be calling it from now on.

The glass half sane