tisdag 19 juni 2018

Positive things, day 50

Two days until vacation. It’s actually stressing me a little bit because I have stuff I need to get done. Not so much at work as at home. Need to tidy up, throw out all garbage, and pack because I’m leaving right after work on Thursday. But vacation is going to be so nice.

måndag 18 juni 2018

Positive things, day 49

The ending of this Grey’s Anatomy episode made me happy. So, SPOILERS. When Owen gets a foster kid and Amelia meets the teenage mother and decides to take her in and help her get clean. It was so nice and hopeful when they all go home together. Also, weird, but when I mistyped “help” it autocorrected to Leo, which is the baby’s name. I love coincidences like that.

söndag 17 juni 2018

Positive things, day 46, 47, 48

Did I use rain yet? We’re getting quite a bit today. It’s been a dry spring and summer so far, so everything needs it. The grass is brown and the cows don’t have food. And I needed it. There is something very therapeutic about rain. I was procrastinating going out, because I had an errand but I found it difficult, and the thought of rain on my skin is what finally got me out. Few things can clear your head like a good rain walk. I had some heavy music on and started walking quite fast. It felt really good.

Couldn’t sleep last night, possibly because I slept most of the day. So I started a new audiobook. I have become a terrible finisher. But anyway. I started Mara Wilson’s ‘Where Am I Now?’. It’s good. I like memoirs as audiobooks, at least when they are read by the person themself.

I realised finishing the picture for mom is unrealistic (and I started having doubts about the choice). So I started looking for card designs again, something I can do quickly, and found this Etsy shop. So many cute little designs. I picked one for mom, and am definitely coming back for future card pattern needs.

torsdag 14 juni 2018

Positive things, day 45

I came out to my neighbour today. I only have one neighbour I talk to. She’s often walking her dog or out on her patio when I walk past, so we chat a bit, just small talk. Today we were standing outside after I got home from work, and a young man came out of our building. After he had gone, she mentioned there were two young single men in the building, “in case I was interested”. So I told her I leaned the other way. And she kind of apologised for not knowing, and I was like “no, it’s OK, how would you?” I hadn’t told her. I don’t introduce myself with it. And I don’t “look lesbian” *slight eye-roll*. But after knowing someone for a year and a half, even if it’s just a casual acquaintance, it becomes a little awkward that they don’t know. Thing is, I like coming out. I know a lot of people get tired of it, but I haven’t yet. I’m always curious about how people will react. (And I have been very lucky that almost no one has been negative. Some reactions have been funny, some a little weird. One guy wanted to convert me with his penis (and said it in an almost threatening way. That was not one of the good reactions). But on the whole, pretty good. And I know that I am incredibly fortunate to live in a place where that is the case, where I am safe to be open about it).

I feel like that paragraph got long-winded so I’m starting a new one. (I’m such a great writer.) So, anyway. I like coming out, but I need a way in. I can’t just say it out of the blue. Like at work, a lot of people know, but not everyone. And I’ve worked there for three years.

And another thing! I don’t know of any other lesbians (or bi/pan women) at work. Statistically there must be some, but I haven’t found them. We need signs, like name tags but with whether you’re single and what you’re into. Then maybe I can find a girlfriend.

Trigger warning

How bad do you have to hurt yourself for it to be self-harm? I don’t cut, I don’t do anything that hurts for more than a minute (well, normally). I hurt, but it’s not really harm. Saying that I harm feels like I’m exaggerating, and belittling those who seriously harm. So I haven’t told anyone. But it is something I do in a similar way. So is it the intended mental effect or the physical effect that matters?

onsdag 13 juni 2018

Positive things, day 44

I found it again! A funny video that I saw a few years ago and then couldn’t find again. It’s not very fitting right now, seasonally, but I’m gonna share it anyway because it makes me happy.

tisdag 12 juni 2018

Positive things, day 41, 42, 43

We’re having some great weather. It’s cooled down a bit, which is good because I am miserable in heat. Today we got free ice cream at work. This is apparently a tradition, but I’ve managed to miss it both the past summers I’ve worked there.

I felt oddly light as I left work today. Like I wondered if I had forgotten something because it felt like I’m usually more burdened, not skipping down the steps so easily. I don’t know if it was the air being less heavy or my mind. Maybe the antidepressants, maybe the fact that I’ve run out of the migraine pills that worsen my depression so I’ve had to skip a couple of doses while I wait to get my prescription filled (this is obviously not really a good thing, since I need those, and it’s maybe not great to skip doses randomly, but I think I’ll get them tomorrow).

The cross stitch thread I ordered was shipped today. I didn’t have all the colours I needed for mom’s present, and I’m quite concerned I won’t finish in time. Need to find a frame for it too. But I’m still able to work with the colours I have until the rest arrive.

I found a new blog to read. It’s a fellow Bloggess Tribesperson! Only a few posts there so far but they were interesting, especially a very good post about mental health after the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. And they’re also doing a similar thing to this positivity thing, but weekly rather than daily. Linky.