torsdag 5 december 2019

Hello blog!
It’s been a while. Am I gonna start all my posts like this? That would be dreadfully boring.

I’m just gonna post some positives.

I’m four days into a painkiller detox. (My neurologist is convinced some of my headaches/migraines are brought on by my body having got used to all the pills I’ve been taking for years. I’m not sure how it works but it’s a thing. So now I’m detoxing for two weeks.) And so far, so good. I’ve had pain, but I haven’t had a full blown migraine. I remain hopeful.

I started watching The Crown. It’s good. So weird seeing Matt Smith in it. I’m starting to get used to it, but then he’ll make an expression or pose that is so 11.

This year is nearly over. It’s been a pretty bad one. I don’t really believe things magically change because it’s a new year, but it does feel like a chance for new beginnings. A clean slate. Even if that’s not really true, if telling myself that will make me do something good, then that’s good, right?

And it hasn’t been all bad. I finally went back to therapy and found a therapist that I feel comfortable with.

And I survived. Remember to pat yourself on the back for surviving another year.

The glass half sane

onsdag 18 september 2019

A reflection at our restaurant again

I’m waiting for my lunch at “our” restaurant. It’s my birthday, and I’m wondering if you’ll wish me a happy one. Maybe you will. I saw you three months ago, and you didn’t seem to hate me. Facebook will tell you to do it. It’s silly, but I want to know if you still care at all.

The glass half sane

onsdag 29 maj 2019

Set the dark on fire

Tonight I am rediscovering Turin Brakes and celebrating Jenny Lawson’s good news. And I am reviving my blog. I will try again to write little notes of light here when I can. We won’t let the darkness win.

The glass half sane

lördag 6 april 2019

Reclaiming Snow Patrol

I used to love Snow Patrol. The problem is, the person who made me start listening to them, is my ex-girlfriend. And even though I’m over her, there is still pain there. There is pain embedded in Snow Patrol lyrics and in the music. And now, when I’m deeper in depression than I’ve been in years, Snow Patrol lyrics come into my head, and for the first time, I could put their music on without turning it off within seconds, and I could enjoy it. The pain finally turned cathartic.

söndag 2 december 2018

I bought a book

I have over a hundred unread books at home, so buying more is something I try to limit, and I listen to a lot of audiobooks nowadays and try to remember that the library exists for a reason. But sometimes, it’s destiny. I was early for my train and the station has a bookshop. So I wandered in, to browse, not to buy. My bag was already heavy, it did not need more books. But this book caught my eye, and I knew I wanted it. Sometimes I just write down the title or photo the cover for memory so I can get it later. But this was The Diary of a Bookseller. And a book about a bookshop can’t be downloaded. Maybe got from the library. But preferably purchased from a bookshop. And it was the last copy. And I opened it and the second sentence mentions ‘Black Books’ which I’ve been re-watching this week. So, destiny, right? 

The glass half sane

torsdag 22 november 2018

A reflection while I wait for my take-out order

I had a friend. A new friend, but we found each other fast, and I was really glad. And then, something happened. Or nothing happened. But I haven’t seen her in over a year. She was having mental health problems and said she didn’t have the energy to do anything. I get that. I so get that. I just hoped we could support each other instead of shutting each other out. She didn’t even reply when I wished her happy birthday. And that made me think, is this friendship on pause or is it over? I still hope it’s not over. And I didn’t mean to write all this, I just thought of her because I’m at the restaurant we went to together a few times and my brain did a sad “this was our place”, and it made me think how it was like we’re a parted couple, which was kind of funny because we’re not, but also not funny because regardless, I miss her.

torsdag 15 november 2018

How far I’ve come

Something reminded me of a medical problem I had a few years ago. It was minor, but still something I should have gotten checked up, but at that point in my life, I didn’t go to doctors. The mere thought of calling to make an appointment, or calling any stranger at all, would have me in a cold sweat. And now I pick up the phone and call the clinic without hesitation. It’s so weird, and so wonderful, how my social anxiety has diminished. I still have issues with some situations, depending on my mental state at the time, but they are fewer and occur less often. It’s good to be reminded of that sometimes, especially lately when I’ve felt like I’m failing at life. At least I’ve made progress.

Try to think of something you’ve improved at. And if you can’t think of anything, maybe your change is just around the corner.

The glass half sane