Still here

It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for the weekly positive post. And I’m not in a very positive place. But I wanted to swallow a bottle of pills yesterday, and I didn’t. And today I don’t want to. Or not as much. Today is more of a “wanna take the next flight to anywhere but here” kind of day. Which is kind of a bad idea when you’re broke and have to work tomorrow, but it’s definitely the better escape plan, if you’re gonna compare the two. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m still alive, I’m still hanging on. And if anyone’s reading this, give yourself a pat on the back for being alive too. That’s the positive this week. Sometimes that’s enough.

Love,

The glass half sane

Be positive though it hurts

It’s been a dark week, but there are bits of light, and I have to acknowledge them.

I found the lost library book. It wasn’t even my messy apartment’s fault, because I had left it at my parents’. So now I just have to pay the late fee and not for replacing the book, and I can be a library patron again.

Something in my migraine treatment plan is working, I think. I’m not migraine free, but it’s less, and any relief is amazing at this point.

Love,

The glass half sane

Hello blog!
It’s been a while. Am I gonna start all my posts like this? That would be dreadfully boring.

I’m just gonna post some positives.

I’m four days into a painkiller detox. (My neurologist is convinced some of my headaches/migraines are brought on by my body having got used to all the pills I’ve been taking for years. I’m not sure how it works but it’s a thing. So now I’m detoxing for two weeks.) And so far, so good. I’ve had pain, but I haven’t had a full blown migraine. I remain hopeful.

I started watching The Crown. It’s good. So weird seeing Matt Smith in it. I’m starting to get used to it, but then he’ll make an expression or pose that is so 11.

This year is nearly over. It’s been a pretty bad one. I don’t really believe things magically change because it’s a new year, but it does feel like a chance for new beginnings. A clean slate. Even if that’s not really true, if telling myself that will make me do something good, then that’s good, right?

And it hasn’t been all bad. I finally went back to therapy and found a therapist that I feel comfortable with.

And I survived. Remember to pat yourself on the back for surviving another year.

Love,

The glass half sane

A reflection at our restaurant again

I’m waiting for my lunch at “our” restaurant. It’s my birthday, and I’m wondering if you’ll wish me a happy one. Maybe you will. I saw you three months ago, and you didn’t seem to hate me. Facebook will tell you to do it. It’s silly, but I want to know if you still care at all.

Love,

The glass half sane

Set the dark on fire

Tonight I am rediscovering Turin Brakes and celebrating Jenny Lawson’s good news. And I am reviving my blog. I will try again to write little notes of light here when I can. We won’t let the darkness win.

Love,

The glass half sane

Reclaiming Snow Patrol

I used to love Snow Patrol. The problem is, the person who made me start listening to them, is my ex-girlfriend. And even though I’m over her, there is still pain there. There is pain embedded in Snow Patrol lyrics and in the music. And now, when I’m deeper in depression than I’ve been in years, Snow Patrol lyrics come into my head, and for the first time, I could put their music on without turning it off within seconds, and I could enjoy it. The pain finally turned cathartic.

I bought a book

I have over a hundred unread books at home, so buying more is something I try to limit, and I listen to a lot of audiobooks nowadays and try to remember that the library exists for a reason. But sometimes, it’s destiny. I was early for my train and the station has a bookshop. So I wandered in, to browse, not to buy. My bag was already heavy, it did not need more books. But this book caught my eye, and I knew I wanted it. Sometimes I just write down the title or photo the cover for memory so I can get it later. But this was The Diary of a Bookseller. And a book about a bookshop can’t be downloaded. Maybe got from the library. But preferably purchased from a bookshop. And it was the last copy. And I opened it and the second sentence mentions ‘Black Books’ which I’ve been re-watching this week. So, destiny, right? 

Love,

The glass half sane